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Mes apologies pour this entry si vous etes Francais, vous parler Francais, ou vous sont offendez a mon utter crappyment avec mots Francais.

Je failed mon GCSE a seize ans, a cause d'une professeur tres shite. [Mrs. Andrews, this means you, you wizened-up dead cow.]

…enfin, on avec le blog…

Bonjour! L'entry pour aujourd'hui est en [tres poor, mostly] Francais, en celebration de la bitchenly-amazement Tamanna;

…merci beaucoup pour le present, qui elle affiche a moi pour mon birthday onze jours early.

Les movies Francais sont mon favourites, ne pas just because de les scenes nombreux de jig-a-jig, mais aussi because ils sont intelligent, ils ont cinématographie magnifique, et ils ont pas de Bruce Willis, le cul chauve.

Je recommend aussi La Lectrice, Les Valeuses, Belle De Jour [le original, ne pas le crappy emission avec Billie Piper en sous-vestment onereuses], Delicatessen, et Weekend pour la scene en which un femme qui resembler un peu de Bardot parler a propos de les emplois pour oeufs en satisfaction horizontale.

Excepte les movies, les Francaises rule le monde dans fromage, et nous devons get down on our knees in sheer joy pour ces prouesses.

Saint Agur. Mes tastebuds sont orgasment a la picture already.

Il est "traditionale", apparently, pour les Francais et les citizens de ces iles crappy a fighter et bitcher l'un l'autre, et generalement ne s'entendrement pas. Je dit: bolleaux. Le attitude de "up yours, Delors" est un exemple de le right-wing merd de les newspapers cheap, n'est pas la verite.

So: vive la France! liberte, egalite, fraternite!

Et ne va jamais cesser pissing-off les stupid rouge-necks Americans. Nous avons un besoin de vous, toujours.

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It's warm, and I'm lazy.

My choices for this evening's entertainment:

1] Eat far too much and watch "Through A Glass Darkly";

2] Go to nearby Toby's Walks for some "hometown sausage jamboree" [unlikely, all the sausage there is fairly rancid];

3] Eat far too much and play Super Metroid for the 150,000th time [great game, but not a challenge now];

4] Eat far too much and do none of the above.

Number four's looking good to me right now.

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The warm spell currently stuck over this part of a "miserable little island off the coast of France" [F. Zappa] has made my brain muggy, slow and ponderous.

Precious little is being done - precious little is even being contemplated about being done - whilst I sit around in minimal clothing allowing time to pass.

The football season is over [at least for Ipswich Town, others have extensions to the schedule] and there's nothing planned for Saturdays for quite some time to come.

For those who've escaped depression, doing nothing can be a double-edged sword. A certain amount of it is needed; too much can lead to isolation, hermitage and neglect. The instincts about where and when one leads to the other are often confused or mistrusted; I've seen many who become self-driven so they don't fall down that slippery slope again.

That's not a trait I share, however: I'm pretty relaxed about my relaxation. There are times I'm driven to achieve, to progress, to make new connections in the social web that constitutes "a life", but I'm also very aware of when that instinct is absent and when it's time to just be.

It doesn't make for fascinating blog entries, but it's how it is.

Sometimes no news is good news.

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Addition To Forthcoming Birthday Wishlist:

http://www.giantmicrobes.com/uk/products/ecoli.html

…just because I like the idea of having a plush non-sporulating bacterium [called George] in my bedroom.

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This post is to let all you lovely people out there know that it's three weeks today to my birthday.

[I was born the same day as Rubens Barrichello, and since only one of us drives round in very fast cars and is extremely rich, that kind of tells you what I think of astrology.]

Now, I don't want to give the impression that any of you are under any obligation to send me presents, or that I'm touting for expensive gifts; I merely want to allow you to know the following information which would be useful to you, should you feel so inclined.

1. I have an Amazon-UK wishlist.

2. My sizes are 38A, 16, and 10 respectively. [How these translate to non-UK figures I have no idea, but can find out.]

3. Items related to cleaning oneself or smelling nice are discouraged, since they tend to carry the subtext "I Think You Stink".

4. I don't wear jewellery or "bling" of any kind, except for a liking for fish- and sealife-inspired earring creations.

5. Book tokens, gift cards, and the like are always welcome, even if it makes one think you can't be bothered to choose something.

6. If you do want to send me a parcel, please don't be like one person of my acquaintance and put pot pourri in it to make it smell nice on opening. It made me sneeze for hours and took months to get out of the carpet.

7. Creativity counts for much more than price.

8. Ziplock-bag anything where you want the aroma or atmosphere to be preserved. Royal Mail sorting offices are not the most pleasant of environments.

9. No, I don't need a blow-up Dalek. What I do want to know is; is it made by the same people who do the dolls, and how many people when ordering it thought it had the same orifices?